I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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