you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
