I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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