I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
