Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
