Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
