I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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