I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
