Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
