My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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