I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
