singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
