I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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