is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize