6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
