Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
