1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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