I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
