How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
