I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
