We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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