I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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