Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
