Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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