I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
