Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
