as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
