I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
