sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize