I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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