If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
