your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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