I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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