She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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