I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
