Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
