Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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