please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
