morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
