My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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