$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize