Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
did i just pee glitter
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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