I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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