i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
