There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
