The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
