hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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