Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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