sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
