I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Boobs speak an international language.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
