He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
