On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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