i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
