Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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