I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
