i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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