theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize