It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
