Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
