Michael Bay diarrhea
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
