I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
