How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
