Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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