That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it because I queefed?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
