i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
