idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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