Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
