can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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