If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
