There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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