i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
