Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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