i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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