Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize