I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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