sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
