Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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