Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
