My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're too hungover to prance.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
