K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
