Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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