It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
