My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
