Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
