Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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