I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
