Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
MIDGETS
????
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
