Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
