Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
pray to the hookup gods
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
