I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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