I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
