i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nobody cheats on THIS.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
