and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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