You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
