We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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