youre lurking in front of me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
