4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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